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As for the “Why?” of tipping, good question! I prefer to chalk this up to just being a custom of the particular society we live in. Different customs in different cultures. Western cultures seem to have adopted this custom as a societal norm. I don’t think we’re going to end it.
cheers,
C.

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The same logic and my same frustration is present in the unfairness of tipping a maid but skipping the janitor and laundry people. Why are we tipping some but not others? Where is the fairness there?

I didn’t include another aspect here, but why do we only tip people who are doing something for us? Why don’t we give to the people at rest stops and along the freeway who are cleaning up litter? How about store clerks? There are thousands of jobs not in the service industry who are making pathetic incomes with no benefits. Why do we have such an arbitrary system? I can see how it naturally evolved from the combination of good manners in terms of expressing thank you and recognizing that person makes low wages, but we are also rational people, too. I just don’t understanding the arbitrariness of tipping a select group and ignoring others.

AND, if we tip all those deserving under my criteria, there might not be much middle class left. As I said, there are thousands of people working for far below poverty wages. If I were to give to every one of theme connected with my daily business, like the janitors in my grocery stores and department stores, *Rite Aide kinds of stores and all, what is left in my pocket?

A last issue I have is my own belief in looking globally rather than with horseblinders and only seeing local need. Why are we spending this tip money to better the life of those who are scraping by when there are millions who are not even doing that? I dedicate pretty much 100% of my charitable money to an organization which has its primary focus of saving lives – literally. Those people are far away, but out of sight – out of mind is a ridiculous excuse for giving generous tips to those who ARE scraping or better, (my hair dresser – we tip all hair dressers, right? – takes himself and his mother on a luxury vacation at least once a year), rather than people sleeping ON THE FLOOR in their straw thatched, one room hut with the dirt floor, which becomes a MUD floor when it rains and the rain leaks through the thatch. Their water is full of parasites and all manner of other life robbing micro-organisms. They have far too little to eat, never mind the right food. These people very often live miles from any clinic and have only their legs for transportation. They don’t even try to reach help unless the need is great and then the very ill villager, carried on a litter of two rough planks, will frequently not even survive the several day journey to see a doctor. Where is the fairness in any of the rules we are living by?**

I write letters of commendation for service above average. Often. How many do that? I do not imply you can live on complements, but they may well lead to a raise and it’s a way to “tip” the many who never get any actual tips in our arbitrary system of recognition.

Is it clear that I am not begrudging the poor? Can you see I am doing my best to try to get my excess into the hands who need it the most? If you can’t, then I ask you to just believe me when I say I care and ACT to recognize, thank, and reward locally. including MORE GENEROUS THAN MOST. (Remember the 20 to 25% tips I said I give?)

Can anyone explain to me how our current unwritten tipping rules are fair? Will anyone address the concerns I have expressed?
______________
*I have no idea what Rite Aid pays their employees or if they sub-contract janitorial work through a janitorial company, or what. Just an example of a store which seems unlikely to be handing out any big paychecks.
**To be honest, I have a hard time justifying the home I live in and everything in it, with its enormous relative wealth, to say nothing about squandering my money eating out when I could be using that money to save lives. How many people needlessly die when I buy that darling sweater or go out for dinner to my favorite Indian restaurant? Are there others who ask these questions?

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Carolyn –

On the other end, I am a valet at a high end restaurant where the service is complimentary to our guests. I’m sorry to say that I have been on the receiving end of numerous of these fake $10 bible tracts as well as just regular tracts. We’ve been stiffed by so many Christians, that when we hear a Christian radio station in someones car, nine times out of ten, the tip will be poor or nothing at all. I grew up in a Christian family, and I’ve been out with those people that somehow don’t think they have to tip and it doesn’t paint them to be the horrible people they are. When I see this, I end up tipping for them because I’m embarrassed by their conduct. It makes me think, what would Jesus do?

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Disclaimers for me include the following:
1. My daughter has not worked as a waitress. I, however, have.
2. I am not Christian.
3. Despite what you will read below, I probably tip more than the majority of people. I usually leave a 20-25% tip, so don’t think I’m tight fisted.
4. I give, give, give, from the heart, to those in need. Last year I gave a woman I was babysitting for $1,000 anonymously when she was in an auto accident and couldn’t afford even a down payment on another (very used) car. (Yes, you read that right. I was the babysitter.) I also bought a pack of cigarettes for a homeless person who was standing by a public ashtray on the sidewalk smoking butts. These are two extreme examples. Most of my giving is more “ordinary,” but give, I do.
5. I am NOT a person of “means”. Considering the babysitting, maybe that’s obvious, but I thought I’d be real clear.

This tipping custom is baffling, arbitrary, and defies logic, and it rankles me every time the issue comes up. Maybe someone here can explain how the explicit rules as well as the rules actually followed make sense. I have posed a short list of questions, in no particular order. Have at it – make my day – clarify for me why any of this makes sense?

First of all, where do we draw the line? When do we NOT tip? Why? According to whom?

People tip the waiter in an expensive restaurant handsomely, but how often do employees of McDonalds see any tip at all? Who needs the money more? Do we tip to help out those (presumably) in more need or do we blindly follow a nonsensicle social custom of percents (when it comes to food service)?

And who came up with this 15% rule? It simply guarantees that those working in the most fashionable, high end eating establishments may well make more money than many professionals, while those serving customers at diners will continue to need food stamps (and a lot of food-stretching know-how) to feed their families.

What if “the person doing things for me,” to use Ruth’s definition, makes more money than I do?

Exactly who is included in “the person doing things for me”? I am a (retired) nurse. I am guessing I am not on the list for who to tip. What about doctors? Nurse’s aides? What about the housekeeping staff? Those housekeepers you see? Or will you include those who work in the laundry, also at minimum wages, if wages have anything to do with it? (Do they?) What about the janitor, who we never see but who keeps the restrooms clean? I could go on and on.

But instead I’ll stop here. It’s late and I’m tired. My thoughts aren’t well organized, but you catch my drift. I guess there is an overall question of why and why not? The answers I get or guess at don’t seem to make any sense. The whole issue is just frustrating.

Now I have to ask, Carolyn, seeing as how I just did something for you in posting on your blog, (okay, it’s a stretch…), where’s my tip?

Thanks again for choosing this topic,

Bev

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I absolutely do not understand people who do not tip other people who serve them in restaurants. The same concept applies to any other human being who does things for us: cleans our homes, walks our dogs, takes away our garbage, delivers our newspapers or mail.

How can we not say we appreciate what they do for us? The non-tippers should not accept any service from anyone who they won’t tip. Maybe then they can see how much other people do for them and what little we can do to show our appreciation. Those Christians are very un-Christian.

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